If this life I lose, I will follow you
Five years ago to this day, I was at a Chris Tomlin concert. At some point during the show, he sang the familiar worship song “I will follow”
Where you go, I’ll go
Where you stay, I’ll stay
When you move, I’ll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I’ll love
How you serve I’ll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
For whatever reason, I had always thought that the last line – “If this life I lose” – meant literally losing your life. Even as a kid learning the song, I really did think that Chris was singing about the possibility of being martyred.
Real uplifting, right?
But as I was at the concert, listening and sort of singing along to this song, something hit me hard.
What if he’s not talking about dying after all? What if it means giving up everything you thought your life would be – that you wanted it to be? Is he talking about giving up everything, be it money, safety, or comfort, for Christ?
Now to be fair, I was a 20 year-old college junior, straight off the heels of my first missions trip and gearing up for another one. I was as naive as they come, yet in that moment, something was sparked in me. As school went on and I became increasingly dissatisfied with my choice of study that had come to define my life, I knew that there had to be something else.
I also knew that if I got the chance, I would move overseas as a missionary and stay there for the rest of my life. I just didn’t know where, when, or how. But that spark never went out.
The flames grew larger after my second short-term trip, this time to Guatemala, and then once again when I made the decision to spend a year in ministry after college. Then came the World Race, and what could have stayed a controlled burn became a blaze that even I didn’t know what to do with at times.
A few months before I arrived in Georgia, I was at work when my medic partner asked me “What’s your dream – what are you truly passionate about?” The question stopped me in my tracks, because at first, I didn’t have an answer. I sat there for an awkwardly silent minute, and finally responded.
“Honestly, at this point in my life my only real passion is my faith.”
As soon as I said it out loud, I knew I had a lot to think about. But the more I racked my brain, the more I realized that what I had said was absolutely true, and that it was probably a good thing. All interests and skills aside, my one true passion is Christ.
So I’m here in Gainesville, knowing full well that the life I’m living and hope to live is the antithesis of the American dream. The last five years have built up to this, and I don’t know where the next five will take me. What I do know that if my true passion remains focused, the details don’t matter.
If this life I lose, I will follow you
Fundraising update: I still need $158 to meet my next fundraising deadline on Wednesday. If you are interested in helping me reach this goal and keep studying at CGA, click “donate” on the left!
